When you wake-up, you can smell the sunshine, and although you’re not actually on Love Island surrounded by boys whose abs could grate cheese, it is the weekend. And you know that later on you’ll smell burning sausages, Stella Artois, sweating flesh, and synthetic coconut brought to you by factor 8 sun tan oil, which no one you know should be using, judging by the state of their shoulders, which have turned a radioactive shade of red.
But the uniform orangey-brown application of tan-from-a-can has given us all a misguided sense of how safe in the sun we really are, and we forget that, based on our natural hue of school-sink white, we should really be using Factor 50. But who cares? It’s Saturday and our legs are going to look great in that playsuit that’s in no way going to be a mission to take off for a wee when we’re a few wines down. Because today we’re not just having a BBQ, we’re having a Love Island BBQ Bingo Party! Yes, that’s right, this afternoon the girls are coming round for chicken kebabs, pink wine with ice-cubes, and the chance to blast each other with a water gun!
The host has the first go at being the Bingo Caller, aka Caroline Flack. As Caroline Flack, you can’t play this round, but you do get to sit in the best garden chair, with your feet in the paddling pool, while you drink wine and wave a water pistol about.
Everyone else should have:
To get lucky, you need to get as much sausage on your Love Island as you possibly can. So Flackers will randomly pick a number (from a hat, or the bingo spinner) and call it out. If she calls “3” for example, you look and see if you have a “3” on your Love Island. If you do, put some sausage on it. Your aim is to cover five squares in row with sausage, whether it’s vertical, horizontal or diagonal. If you do, then you’ve got Love Island Lucky!
If you cover five squares in a row with sausage, shout, “I’ve got lucky!” in the manner of a Love Island contestant who’s just shagged the fittest boy on the island. To win, you need to shout it before anyone else does – and before “Caroline Flack” can announce the next number. Flack then shoots all the losers with the water pistol, shouting, “Pied!” and whoever has the least sausage on their Love Island must dance solo for 30 seconds to Kia’s My Neck, My Back or a tune of Flack’s choosing. The winner then takes their place in the chosen chair as the New Flack.
These are your bespoke BBQ bingo calls – you can make up the rest yourself!
If you are still aching for some more Love Island after the party, be sure to check out the Love Island Slot game
Samantha Rea is a freelance journalist living in London. She can be found tweeting here
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