Love Island Bingo Party
When you wake-up, you can smell the sunshine, and although you’re not actually on Love Island surrounded by boys whose abs could grate cheese, it is the weekend. And you know that later on you’ll smell burning sausages, Stella Artois, sweating flesh, and synthetic coconut brought to you by factor 8 sun tan oil, which no one you know should be using, judging by the state of their shoulders, which have turned a radioactive shade of red.
But the uniform orangey-brown application of tan-from-a-can has given us all a misguided sense of how safe in the sun we really are, and we forget that, based on our natural hue of school-sink white, we should really be using Factor 50. But who cares? It’s Saturday and our legs are going to look great in that playsuit that’s in no way going to be a mission to take off for a wee when we’re a few wines down. Because today we’re not just having a BBQ, we’re having a Love Island BBQ Bingo Party! Yes, that’s right, this afternoon the girls are coming round for chicken kebabs, pink wine with ice-cubes, and the chance to blast each other with a water gun!
WHAT YOU’LL NEED
- Shedloads of wine. Some ice-cubes. Gin and tonic optional.
- A BBQ (you can buy a disposable one for less than a tenner)
- The usual meaty suspects to stick on the BBQ including cocktail sausages
- A paddling pool: You can pick one up for less than a tenner or go large for £40.
- A water pistol.
- Tunes to include Will Smith’s Summertime, Pharrell Williams’ Happy and Kia’s My Neck, My Back.
- Bingo bits. You can print off scorecards for free here.
- If you use these, you’ll need to write all the numbers on bits of paper, and pull them out of a hat. Otherwise, if you’ve got the money, and you don’t want to write the numbers on bits of paper, you can buy an all-you-need bingo starter kit here. Alternatively you can use the random number generator of one of Wink's Bingo Games.
HOW TO PLAY LOVE ISLAND BINGO
The host has the first go at being the Bingo Caller, aka Caroline Flack. As Caroline Flack, you can’t play this round, but you do get to sit in the best garden chair, with your feet in the paddling pool, while you drink wine and wave a water pistol about.
Everyone else should have:
- A scorecard, aka a Love Island. Your Love Island is made up of 25 squares, ie five rows of five squares, with “LUCKY” across the top.
- Markers, ie cocktail sausages. Cut these up into sections before everyone else arrives, then bring them out for the bingo with a bunch of cocktail sticks.
To get lucky, you need to get as much sausage on your Love Island as you possibly can. So Flackers will randomly pick a number (from a hat, or the bingo spinner) and call it out. If she calls “3” for example, you look and see if you have a “3” on your Love Island. If you do, put some sausage on it. Your aim is to cover five squares in row with sausage, whether it’s vertical, horizontal or diagonal. If you do, then you’ve got Love Island Lucky!
If you cover five squares in a row with sausage, shout, “I’ve got lucky!” in the manner of a Love Island contestant who’s just shagged the fittest boy on the island. To win, you need to shout it before anyone else does – and before “Caroline Flack” can announce the next number. Flack then shoots all the losers with the water pistol, shouting, “Pied!” and whoever has the least sausage on their Love Island must dance solo for 30 seconds to Kia’s My Neck, My Back or a tune of Flack’s choosing. The winner then takes their place in the chosen chair as the New Flack.
BESPOKE BBQ BINGO CALLS
These are your bespoke BBQ bingo calls – you can make up the rest yourself!
- Are the sausages done? ONE!
- Someone's crying in the loo! TWO!
- Watch out for that bee! THREE
- Put sunblock on or you'll be sore! FOUR!
- I think this burger’s still alive! FIVE!
- Smile for Insta pics: SIX!
- This gin and tonic’s heaven: SEVEN!
- Your neighbour’s garden’s a state: EIGHT!
- Half cooked kebab? It’ll be fine! NINE!
- Someone’s pissing in the flower bed again: TEN!
- I think we’ve got better weather than Devon: ELEVEN!
- Tomato sauce is in the kitchen, have a delve: TWELVE!
- Has anyone used it, or Is this fork clean? THIRTEEN!
- Oi, it’s not ready – you’re a bit keen! FOURTEEN!
- Top up the glasses, don’t be so mean! FIFTEEN!
- There’s a wasp near your plate, try not to scream: SIXTEEN!
- What’ve you put on your grass to get it so green? SEVENTEEN!
- The effects on my gut remain to be seen: EIGHTEEN!
- Leave room for afters, we’ve got ice-cream: NINETEEN!
- Anyone for more sausages? I’ve put on plenty! TWENTY!
- I can’t believe we’ve had this much sun! TWENTY-ONE!
- One of the kids needs a poo: TWENTY-TWO!
- Can I borrow your sunglasses, I can hardly see! TWENTY-THREE!
- This chicken burger’s completely raw: TWENTY-FOUR!
- Another bee, I think there’s a hive: TWENTY-FIVE!
- No more wine for Bridget, she’s already pissed: TWENTY-SIX!
- This meaty buffet is a slice of heaven: TWENTY-SEVEN!
- How much food have you piled on your plate? TWENTY-EIGHT!
- I’m sure I can manage another glass of wine! TWENTY-NINE!
- Three second rule! Pick it up, it’s not really dirty: THIRTY!
- I think somebody’s had too much sun: THIRTY-ONE!
- Where’s your BBQ from, is it new? THIRTY-TWO!
- I think one of the kids needs a wee: THIRTY-THREE!
- This crusty roll’s dislocated my jaw: THIRTY-FOUR!
- It’s only alcohol poisoning, I think you’ll survive: THIRTY-FIVE!
- Try the punch, it’s like margarita with a twist: THIRTY-SIX!
- I haven’t had this much meat since my hen night in Devon! THIRTY-SEVEN!
- She’s weeing in the ice-bucket – have a word with your mate: THIRTY-EIGHT!
- It’s only some gristle – you’ll be fine! THIRTY-NINE!
- How strong is that punch? It’s properly naughty! FORTY!
- Tomorrow I start the diet and go for a run: FORTY-ONE!
- I think I heard that burger “moo”: FORTY-TWO!
- I can do cartwheels, look at meeeee! FORTY-THREE!
- I feel a bit sick and my shoulders are sore: FORTY-FOUR!
- Put the wine down, your taxi’s arrived: FORTY-FIVE!
- Is the sky spinning or are we all pissed? FORTY-SIX!
- Get the kids away from the barbeque, Kevin: FORTY-SEVEN!
- Get Sheryl away from the wine, she’s a state: FORT-EIGHT!
- Now I’ve been sick, I’m feeling fine! FORTY-NINE!
- That multi-pack of meat was thrifty! FIFTY!
If you are still aching for some more Love Island after the party, be sure to check out the Love Island Slot game
Samantha Rea is a freelance journalist living in London. She can be found tweeting here